Saturday, July 04, 2015

Lack of Inspiration

It's been very long since the last time i wrote on my blog. It's been over two years now, wow... How I surprise myself for having no inspiration to write anymore. Many things have happened during this two years and some big changes happened to me and some people in my network. I have even changed my status now. Yup, I got married! My unemployed status has been changed too. At least for now life seems a little bit more steady than before. So maybe now it's time for catching up a bit.

There was this period when I was so stressed up especially because of all the heartaches I endured during my quest of finding a job. I think that was also one of the reason that I lost the inspiration to write. I wrote more than a hundred applications, probably almost two hundreds. Every time trying different ways of writing the letter of motivation, changing the look of my portfolio and still wondering, why don't I get any single interview? Even if you are the most confident person, getting so many rejections may eventually destroy your confidence. And I didn't even begin my job search with a lot of confidence. I started to ponder, have I all this time chose the wrong study, if only I studied something else, what if I never went to this country, and a lot of another what if this and what if that. But then I told myself not to regret anything that I already chose, because whatever it is that I have done, it has certainly brought a lot of positive things in my life.

But yeah, getting motivation from other people is important as well. I regret to say I didn't get so much support from my own family members. We all lived so far away from each other and I don't know so many story about their lives as much as they don't know so much about mine. I always avoided getting calls from my sister and dreaded skyping with my dad, because at that time, every time I talked with them, I just felt even worse than I already did. It was more like being interrogated and being told that all your effort was not good enough. Talking with my mom was good though, she didn't dare to ask me about difficult stuffs. Actually what she did by just telling me stories about her daily life, some gossips about our relatives and saying that I should just keep on trying is already good enough for me. It gave me the feeling that she trusted me and believed in me. One thing that I remember the most when she comforted me was, that it is OK, everybody goes through some difficulties at the crossroads of their lives.

My boyfriend at that time, who is my husband now, supported me like my mom did. Saying stuffs like, I know you can do it, you are better than you think, etc. But he was also busy and very much occupied with his own works at that time and well, I didn't think he could help solve my problem. I believed I was the only one who could solve my problem. And I still believe it now actually.

The best support that I found was actually from friends who were in the same situation as I did. They were the ones who totally understood what I was going through, giving the most useful information and advises. There was this one girl that now I admire. We were never been close before, but one day we talked to each other about the difficulty of finding job. I felt like she helped me a lot that day by giving me a bit of my confidence back and raising my hope again. Sometimes she even still write me and ask how I've been doing.

So I guess, when you go through some hardships in your life, the most important thing is to share it with the CORRECT people. Better avoid people who put you down. It doesn't matter who they are, but help can come from the very person you expected the least.

To be continue...

1 comment:

mario said...

Hey Stell, Congratulation!