Jellyfish

Last night I had a terrible nightmare about one of my best friend in high school. In my dream I was looking into her picture and thought, “oh, it’s been such a long time since the last time I saw her.” Then suddenly the picture talked to me, “the doctor only cut my right hand. I still have the left hand.” I was like, “geez... it’s true, I don't see her right hand in the picture.” Then still in my dream I made a conclusion, that she suffered from bone cancer, just like her mother who had one of her arm amputated and even so still passed away (which is true in the real life).

I was still in a trance when the memory came to me. That’s why I can still remember the dream vividly. And after I fully woke up my mind continued wondering on extended thoughts.

It must be unimaginably frightening to be in a situation where someone tells you that part of your body should be amputated.
Just recently I heard some news about a friend who is also suffering from a cancer on his head. Then I thought… (even though I know how stupid and heartless it is, but still it came to my mind) maybe it’s better to have the head amputated because then without the brain, one cannot feel the fear and the sorrow in his heart anymore.
Ahh, OK...OK… this is such an extreme and illogical thinking.
But I just want to blurt out my perplexed mind of a weird connection between brain and heart in creating and sensing the emotions.
I mean, we can really sense an actual painful squeeze at heart when we're in despair, or find it hard to breath for an expanding heart when we're too excited. Right? Though without brain as the mastermind, heart won't be able to get in touch with emotion; still people associate emotion with the heart and not with the brain: "broken heart", "lighthearted", "hati yang berbunga-bunga", "sakit hati", "herzschmerz"*, "herzblatt"*, etc. etc.

You might be puzzled on how I link amputation with brain and heart? Well pardon me for having a jumping mind.

Coincidentally I saw a video this evening, telling me that jellyfish does not have a brain.
A man in the video said, how unfortunate it is to be a jellyfish. Happiness and sadness would never be a matter for jellyfish because it can't feel such emotion anyway. It's just simply a loss for never be able to know what happiness is.
On the contrary, the girl in the video said, how fortunate it is to be a jellyfish. It's just simply a bless for never be able to know what sadness is.

I wish I could always stay in this position, where I agree with the man, that jellyfish is so unfortunate. Because then I know, and will always know what happiness is.

*thanks, popcorn ^^

Weird Courses

having lots of friends can surely boost your knowledge, right?
2 days ago i had dinner with some friends and a friend started talking about his colleague who's taking a jogging course. ROFL....

i thought rich people spent their money on golfing or polo. well, maybe it was so in the past. but now, they spend it on taking a jogging course. that's something i've never heard before. a jogging course! and i think it's very funny.
mmm.... wonder what they teach people there. how to jog in the right way, of course. eee... does it include lessons about how many degree should you bent your leg? which time of the day and what kind of weather would raise your exercising spirit? tips on finding the best jogging tracks with the best joggers and tricks to open up conversation with them? mmm... if i continue, this would make it sounds like a dating course instead of a jogging course.

talking about weird courses, my other friend added, that there was also a washing course offered for all freshmen students. i laughed as i said, didn't you suppose to learn that from your mom? he said, "well, i didn't have any interest on learning that kind of thing before."
oops... i didn't think that he was the one who took this washing course.
now i have to tell myself to put more attention when people're talking. did he say it was a 6 hour lesson? learning how you should separate the white clothes from the colored ones and stuff took 6 hour?

well, well, now i'm thinking of opening a course on "how to enjoy delicacy of the not so delicate dish". wonder what i will teach there and how many people would join my course...

edited on 29th august:
oh, and actually now i'm about to savour a cake that a friend gave me on my birthday 11 days ago ^^

スマイルを停止することはできません。

畜生ー！！！サンティーーー！！！
君は本当に馬鹿だな？！
今日、matamo atashi no yume wo atta。でも、なにも言うできなかった。“HELLO”だけだ。本当に馬鹿だよ。
でも、すごい偶然からうれしかったです！：）

Dizzy

It all swirls around my head. These old pictures and new pictures. These pictures swirl around my head. I can’t see any of them clearly. Even sometimes they would take turn and stop in front of my eyes for some seconds, but those seconds were just too fast. I still can’t see them clearly.
Some just never stop moving, never give me a chance to examine them. The other just never stop anymore. Maybe they got tired. Maybe they already moved forward and make another swirl around someone else's head.

I don’t know. Maybe if I just take one random picture and put it in an album, just like some people did, it would probably stay in there for a long time. But the probability of me rip it away after that, or it slip out of the album is much bigger. Definitely.

There is one picture in fact, that stays around for 2 years already. Always take its time to sway slowly in front of me. But I always ignore, never take it seriously. Why swaying anyway, why not stay very still instead? That’s what I keep having in mind. But its patient to keep swaying for 2 years awes me indeed. However I know this picture will never fit into my album.

hmmm.......

Talking about a Dream

I wish I could have a Polaroid camera installed in my head, so that I can easily push the button whenever I have a good dream in my sleep. It’s too bad that when I wake up from a dream, I will still be able to remember what it was about for some seconds, but then it suddenly disappears without a trace in the next second.

If you ask why Polaroid camera instead of digital video camera: nah… in my point of view, Polaroid camera would be the most appropriate tool that can make a dream remain as much possible as a dream. No repository; dreamy colors; printed in patches, which will make it stay as mysterious as it is as you try to solve the puzzle and the meaning behind. Got confused by this explanation? Don’t worry, I’m no less confused…

But I do remember some of my dreams. Though these sticky ones are usually the kind of nightmares full of terrors. Most of them are about chasing. Either I chase some people or I am the one who’s being chased and in hidings. Sometimes I dream the same dream over and over again. I dreamed about my childhood house and high school several times, even though some locations were unreal. Some dreams are like déjà vu, where I would tell myself inside the dream, “I think I’ve been here before, I knew this would have happened!” or during a bad nightmare, “Wake up, wake up, it’s just a dream.”

When I was a child I sleeptalked a couple of times. I know ‘cos my mom said so and I woke up one time still laughing so hard. I don’t know whether I still do it until now, but I don’t think so. Never had a terrifying or a hilarious dream for a long time now (the only way that caused me sleeptalking). Maybe it’s because I don’t have any unconscious anxiety in my mind nor that I run into a super funny conversation with friends lately. A bit sad for the last part. I can’t remember when was the last time I laugh until my stomach hurt.
Instead, I’m having such a terrible stomachache since the morning. That’s why mama said not to put just any trash into your stomach. Huhuhu…

the Victims of Love

Let's play this number from Hugh Grant and Haley Bennet first before you continue reading.
Way back into Love 


Today I chatted with a friend. Somehow we stumbled talking about romance; about his crush on his classmate and my own long lost crush. The conversation itself was funny. I found my new talent on giving foolish advises and developing a love philosophy. "It's like looking at the menu in a luxurious french restaurant, where they offer a looooooong list of food, and none that I understand. So can't pick out anything. Wasting time seeing and studying all of the menu and in the end decide that the price are too expensive," so I told him, reflecting our journey in seeking a true love. I think I was inspired by someone in a movie. Otherwise I won't be able to say that kind of poetic sentence, lol...

Talking about love betrayal, it's my second time now to hear a story about someone whose partner had been snatched by his/her own best friend. It's definitely a heart-ripping experience to anyone who has been betrayed in such way, not only by his lover, but also by his closest friend. Whom else can he put his trust on then? And these two friends of mine, the victims of love, had built their relationship for years.
Could there be any excuse for the "enemy in the blanket"? Perhaps, the traitors also had some struggle inside their heart while they were doing what they did. What if they also suffered in the past, trying to suppress their forbidden feelings. Who knows if they were really made for each other, and not for my friends... Who knows...

However, it is still something unforgivable for my friends. Hope they won't kick my ass if they read this consideration. Yeah, it's so easy to talk. If it happens to me, I most likely won't be able to let go also.

What Will Happen Then

When I was young and unripe
I met this old guy, wise yet talked too much
Nagging on my habits
Breaking my poor eardrums
When I was about to leave him he said to me

Life always brings unexpected things
You need to take every turn on the street
Or else you’ll never see
What it has behind the corner
When you take the turn you might wonder
What will you find, what will happen then
Just take a chance and see
What the destiny brings you

When I was all by myself
Wondering where my soul mate is hiding
Many have come and gone
None suits my completion
When I was about to give up I said to me

Life always brings unexpected things
I need to take every turn on the street
Or else I’ll never see
What it has behind the corner
And when I see a turn, I wonder
Whom will I find, what will happen then
Just take a chance and see
Whom the destiny brings me

When I saw him in despair
Thinking hard how he can turn back the time
Dreams have been piled so high
None has ever came true
When he was about to break down I said to him

Life always brings unexpected things
You need to take every turn on the street
Or else you’ll never see
What it has behind the corner
And when you take a turn, you wonder
Where will it end, what will happen then
Just take a chance and see
Where the destiny brings you

My Mac enjoyed a sunbathing,

but I rescued it, before it gets any sunburn.

Oh well, oh well. This story below will have nothing to do with my dearly Mac.
And no, it has nothing to do with the windy-sunny-rainy-undetermined spring either.

It will only contain lots of sighs.

Tired of working on the project. Had a small quarrel with my working partner again this afternoon and feeling so damn sleepy now.
Met the goat at night, who did a little something before he parted, that made the others had sudden sore throats.
Shooed the monkey from my room last night and gave a little heart attack to the donkey after that.
Uh oh... too much things happened in 2 days. I don't know what I'm rambling about.

Public Diary: No Waaaayy....?

Some days ago, my girl friend and I were talking about blogs. Then another guy friend jumped into the conversation and said that he thinks blogging is just a stupid thing and people should stop doing this stupidity. Internet is so crowded already. Why would someone writes about his daily activities, what music he likes, what movie he watched last week, etc. Nobody fu**ing cares about those fu**ing stuffs. He hates publication and he can't understand why people would publish themselves in the internet in that kind of way. As far as I know, the only self-publication-tool he uses is Facebook. But he regularly delete his wall contents, doesn't put any information about himself except his name and where he comes from, and doesn't have any single picture of him at all. Oh yes, he is very protective about keeping everything private.

Well, because I'm one of the bloggers who likes to write these fu**ing stupid kind of stuffs, I think I need to stand up and defend my people.

Why do you think bloggers should stop writing about their daily activities? I think people DO like to read these stuffs about other people's lives. Every novel and all movies are all about other people's lives too, don't you think?

Say it’s Harry Potter. If you are one of Harry Potter’s fans, admit it that you like to read his daily life in school, his first romance experience etc. etc. Yeah, ok..ok… his daily life is interesting because he’s an orphan, he meets goblins, talks to giant tarantula and rides dragon. Much more interesting than my boring story about writing blogs on the weekend before meeting with some friends to release the pain of the tiring weekdays. Boring!

OK, so you don't like to read boring stuffs. Then lets say, you went to a theater and picked a random movie and it turned out to be ugly as hell. What’s the different with coming across a bad blog?

Nobody will ever say stop the film industry just because they watched 90 bad movies. Nobody can stop the telenovelas and soap operas running on television too. They have their own fanatic fans, no matter how shitty the stories are.

But, hey! Still, you are reading about someone’s daily activity. What do you wanna get from it?

Do you want to be like the hero in the story? Are you imagining what your life would be like if you experience the same thing? Do you take the good moral of each story? Or do you just watch and read and forget everything right after you finished with it?

Anyway, making films, inditing novels or composing blogs are just some ways to express one’s creativity. No matter if it's a true story, a lie, or an imagination. If it turns out as a bad creation, then it is just a part of the process to become good. So I’d say keep on writing what’s on our mind. Keep on blogging. Who cares about the crowded internet… It’s better than letting it empty.

If you even watch Big Brothers, then I suppose you won’t mind reading a nonsense blog like this one :D


Thanks for reading!

Memory

Tonight as I was listening to some music from my old collection, I came across Indecent Obsession’s Fixing a Broken Heart. The memory from my teenage years couldn’t stop flowing after that. I started to rambling in Youtube and found the Lady Rain and so on.

Long time ago when I was still in junior high, my cousin gave an audio cassette for my sister. It was full of the top list music he taped from the radio. My sister and I were so in love with the tape that we played it over and over again. Another celeb-craving cousin came with the lyrics and the three of us sang the whole night together. I guess it was the first time I became so into music and lyrics in English. I was able to memorize all the lyrics of all the songs in that tape even though I didn’t speak English. I still even remember that the tape began with Take That - Back for Good, then Key to My Life from Boyzone (I was so crazy about Ronan Keating, thought he was the most good looking boy in the world, uh..oh..). I forget what came on the third track, but Julia Says came on fourth. Michael & the Mechanics was on the other side track. I mastered the whistling technique because of Over My Shoulder. Frente was also in that tape. I can’t remember the other songs, but believe me, it was the best tape I’d ever had. Well, even though it was a gift for my sister, but when I was little almost everything that belonged to my sister belonged to me too. Sadly the tape is gone now. I’m quite sure it was my sister’s fault. She liked to lend her stuffs to some friends that kept loosing her stuffs.

After that, I started to tape the music played on the radio by myself and I collected quite a lot. I mastered the radio taping technique pretty good. No clicking sound and no DJ talking. I knew the time when the DJ would play the whole complete song without talking in between or cut the song with some adverts. It was the midnight broadcasting. This also brought me to meet (I mean to listen to) Ivan, the DJ from Oz 103 fm who had a really soothing voice. I fell in love with his voice and always waited for him every single night. Still remember the way he said “Bye now” at the end of the show.

I also became obsessed with finding out the lyrics so that I could sing along with the songs. We didn’t have Internet and Google didn’t exist yet, so I had to work hard on it. I kept pushing the play-stop-rewind buttons just to be able to decipher and write the lyrics. I then created my own “English”.

One last memory. I also once really liked the song from Gary Barlow as he started going solo, Forever Love. My sister mocked me all the time because of Garry’s humming in some part of the song, that according to her, sounds like a dog howling. Ugh..ugh… no offense, Gary…

Super Junior's Dance Bait

I'm recently going crazy about the dance style of this boy band.

Long time ago someone in some forum said about how great their song Sorry Sorry was. Out of curiosity I played it a little bit and stopped the music after some seconds. First time I heard their name I was like, "Ha...? Super Junior? What kind of name is that? Is it a bunch of school kids or what?"

But then two days ago, I just bumped into their video in Youtube. So I remember this Sorry Sorry song, and decided to give it one more chance. Then... aww...... aww..... cool! I just realized they're so cool! I want to try their dance move, but I can't dance. So I end up jumping to the left and to the right like a big monkey with my head stays still and my eyes fixed to the monitor, not wanting to let any single move escape from my sight.

How terrible...! If I can have a second life, I wish I can be a professional dancer.

Oh, now I like the song also. I think the melody is kinda cute and catchy.

One more dance video from them.

One dance clip has made me fancy them :D

I wonder where my sunshine has been

The first day I arrived in Bremen, I didn’t have my semester ticket yet. So I just decided to stroll on the street, looking for the nearest supermarket to my new home. I picked the wrong turn and got lost. No wonder, I have a really bad orientation. But thanks to that, it brought me to 3 wonderful people, who gave me an instant good impression of Bremen.

That day, tired of going without a clear destination, I stopped a middle-aged couple who were walking hand-in-hand, asking for help of where I can find the nearest Supermarket. I was a bit surprised because they turned out to be very friendly. Well, some friends already told me that the Germans in the north are much warmer than those in the south. But only after I met that couple I started to believe in what I heard. We had a small conversation and before we parted they wished me a good living in Bremen. I was so happy because of that.
And now, if I take a look on some parts of my life, I can see that their wish has came true :D

I continued on walking as they directed. After some minutes I started to have doubts again. Then there was this young guy walking through the sidewalks with white earphones (iPod? OK, not important!) on each side of his head. He walked in a bouncy way, looked so happy to me. ‘Cos he was the only one I could see on that street, I decided to ask for his advise.
He talked like the advertisement salesmen on DRTV (those who talk soooo incredibly fast like they never take time to breath or swallow their spit). Have you ever seen Nigahiga on Youtube promoting his Big Bouncing Inflatable Green Ball? Well, this young guy talked almost as fast and in a cheerful manner.
He had a very bright aura around him and I was enchanted by his super big fascinating smile. Oh no no no no…. this is not love at first sight! Not at all! He is just a teenager after all. But I loved his charming smile and personality.

Day goes by and month changes. I met him for the third time (I forgot when/where/how we met on the second time, but I’m sure it was the third time). He was again with his white earphones, stepping into the crowded tram where I was in. I was so tired and moody that day, and I couldn’t get a sit so I became even more moody. But as I saw him (he was surprisingly smiling, even though I don’t know to whom), it felt like the sun has finally arrived.
When I wanted to press the stop button on the handlebar, I couldn’t, because his hand was covering it. Then he pressed the button for me and spread that enchanting smile again, hehehe…… I couldn’t stop smiling for the rest of the day. He was my sunshine.

It’s been 3 or 4 months since the last time I met him. Wonder where he has been. I kinda miss my sunshine.

First Attempt: Failed!

It has all fallen through to the deepest ground. I turn off the light, so I don't have to see the traces it left behind.
Waiting for a new one to come and cover the whole ground with new traces. So I can turn the light back on with the greatest enthusiasm.

Never give up! Keep fighting!


Josh Verdes - Save Me

One insane guy has really MADE my day

By that, I mean in a sarcastic way.
I know people are people, but how can people change their mind so easily when they know that their altering behaviors might effect the dead/life of other people?! Na…. this is a little bit exaggerating, of course. But it does happen, doesn’t it?

Anyway, I met this particular irritating person some months ago. Out of the blue, he wrote me a surprising email this evening, giving me an ultimatum to "change the past".

Tsk...! How could such a person belongs to this wonderful world?! I'm speechless...

Feeling Warm at Heart

I think I’m having one of the best parts of my life in the last one-third year of 2009. Especially talking about my life in Germany. These happy days are still continuing until today, dreamfully for good.

I’m so grateful that I’m surrounded by so many good friends and I’m so thankful that I think I am loved or at least cared about. Never in other town in Germany I found so many nice people that I can count as my best friends, the ones that connect so well with me, since I’m not the kind of person who can easily feel close to many people. My father even told me that I’m cold. I think it’s true :p Though this doesn’t mean that I’m not friendly, hehe…

I will never regret that I come to this city. It might be one of my biggest luck. My friends in class are mostly great and my Indonesian friends are incredibly awesome.

So, thank you friends for being my friends ♥

Uuugghh.... ngga sabar buat nge-review foto, ...

... tapi batere harus dicharge dulu. :(

Hari ini seru banget. Akhirnya rencana jalan2 pas lagi liburan panjang terlaksana juga, meskipun di hari-hari akhir menjelang mulainya lagi masa kuliah yang bikin stress. Meskipun ide untuk jalan-jalan keluar kota Bremen udah dibikin dari jauh-jauh hari, tapi semua acaranya dibikin dadakan.
Dimulai dari New Year's Eve kemarin malam. Sehabis selesai nonton pertunjukan kembang api, selagi kita jalan menuju halte bis, akhirnya kita putuskan bahwa acara jalan-jalan harus dilaksanakan hari itu juga. Walaupun belum tau mau kemana, yang penting ngumpul dulu di Bahnhof jam 12 siang.
Ternyata yang jadi pergi cuma 5 orang. Tapi ngga masalah, tetep seru buat gw. Bingung mau kemana, akhirnya kita mutusin buat ke Rotenburg dulu, 2 menit sebelum keretanya berangkat. Lari-lari menuju Gleis, akhirnya kekejer juga keretanya. Lumayan, olah raga dikit buat kompensasi penumpukan lemak di minggu sebelumnya (pesta makan hampir tiap hari, siang dan malam :D).
Udah gitu ke kota kedua, disebelah selatan Bremen, Twistringen. Ternyata lebih kampung daripada Rotenburg. Hari udah gelap, akhirnya cuma berhasil memuaskan nasib perut keroncongan dengan kebab. Begitulah kalau hari libur di Jerman, semua toko tutup. Cuma ada beberapa Imbiss dan resto aja yang buka.
Tadinya kami mau ke Cuxhaven, tapi karena udah terlalu sore, akhirnya pergi ke Bremerhaven aja. Sekalian nganter Paupau yang tinggalnya emang disana.
Sesi foto-foto di Bremerhaven yang paling seru. Soalnya kita lumayan berhasil dengan eksperimen kita.
Yah seneng deh pokoknya hari ini, walaupun ngebatalin ikut pesta makan tahun baru dan dicela sama yang punya pesta, tapi yang penting banyak yg didapet hari ini. Ngga tambah gendut krn ngga ikut makan2 lagi plus banyak jalan n kelaparan, jadi tau ada bioskop super murah di kampung Twistringen, bisa menguasai satu gerbong kereta, cekikikan sampe sakit perut, dapet suasana baru, dapet bahan baru untuk di-upload di Facebook dan yang paling penting: napsu narsisme terpuaskan.

>>> the adventure team ^o^